Me: Why don’t you have any pet names for me?
P: I’m sorry, my little bitter lemon.
Me: Dammit! I’m such an idiot.
P: I didn’t want to say anything.
Me: Once I put a picture of a woman smoking a cigar on a lighter.
P: Are you trying to tell me you’re one of those women who’s into appliqué?
Me: No. And besides, I didn’t use glue, I used sello tape.
P: Then you’re into crappliqué.
Me: I hate you.
P: Don’t be jealous of my abilities with portmanteau.
E: What’s that chick’s name again?
Me: Heather.
E: That’s a whore’s name.
“Just because you’re intelligent and correct does not mean I am going to listen to you.”
Her: What did you think of me when we first met?
Him: I thought you were sane.
Thanks for the submission, Alyx!
We love reader submissions! Send in some funny things your boyfriend says via the Submit page.
Her: I’ve been away for a month. You didn’t feel like being with other girls?
Him: No. You’ve ruined it for me and other girls.
Thanks for the submission, Payel!
Your boyfriend’s funny, right? Then get on over to the Submit page and send in some quotes!
When discussing a rival male:
Him: Don’t be so naive. He’s trying to bone you.
Her: He is not. Maybe he wants to be my friend.
Him: Who’d want to be friends with you?
Thanks for the submission, Ellie!
Your boyfriend’s probably funny. Send in some quotes via the Submit page and they might appear here!