On menstrual cups:
P: Diva Cup. Mooncup. Luna. Stop with the superficial names and just call it The Blood Bucket already.
Post-argument:
Me: Well, I guess all that’s left now is the make-up sex.
P: Does that mean we get to dress up like KISS?
Me: Holy crap, Kurt Cobain’s daughter is 19 this year.
P: Oh yeah? What does she look like?
Me: Kurt Cobain.
P: What, stripey jumper, hole in the back of the head?
Me: Are you feeling better?
P: I usually feel better than most people.
While doing a crossword.
Me: The clue is “Pain In The Neck”, seven letters.
P: Your name is shorter than seven letters.
Me: It’s Canada Day today.
P: It’s NEVER Canada’s day.
P: ‘Bobble hat’ is the worst euphemism for vagina I’ve ever heard.
P: How do my arms look these days?
Me: I would say that you have better arms than a celebrity. I bet you have better arms than Weird Al Yankovic.
P: I’m surprised he even has arms to be honest.