Woodwind.

Me: I’ve started playing the clarinet again.
P: Well I guess you’ve got to do something with all the hot air coming out the front of you.

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Nerdlinger.

While watching rain through the window:

P: As C3PO would say, the damage doesn’t look so bad from in here.
Me: It’s amazing that you say things like this and have ever accessed a vagina.
P: Ladies all wanna get with this. Look like Conan, quote Conan.

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Periodic.

On menstrual cups:

P: Diva Cup. Mooncup. Luna. Stop with the superficial names and just call it The Blood Bucket already.

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… And party every day.

Post-argument:

Me: Well, I guess all that’s left now is the make-up sex.
P: Does that mean we get to dress up like KISS?

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Resemblance.

Me: Holy crap, Kurt Cobain’s daughter is 19 this year.
P: Oh yeah? What does she look like?
Me: Kurt Cobain.
P: What, stripey jumper, hole in the back of the head?

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Better.

Me: Are you feeling better?
P: I usually feel better than most people.

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Crossword.

While doing a crossword.

Me: The clue is “Pain In The Neck”, seven letters.
P: Your name is shorter than seven letters.

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Oh Canada.

Me: It’s Canada Day today.
P: It’s NEVER Canada’s day.

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