P: C’mere and kiss me, chicken lips.
Me: I DO NOT HAVE CHICKEN LIPS.
P: Sorry. C’mere and kiss me, chicken flaps.
Chicken lips.
Modesty.
I have been known to date modest men:
“I hate my profile. From straight on I’m sexy as hell, but I hate my profile.”
Fortunately.
E explains the decision-making process:
“Fortunately, as the man, I get to make the decisions.”
Bribery.
Me: What would make you feel better?
Him: A CIGARETTE.
Me: Well, you can’t have one of those, so what else would you like?
Him: A BLOW JOB.
Hard to reach.
P: You shave your entire body. It’s like you’re part wookiee.
Me: I DO NOT SHAVE MY ENTIRE BODY.
P: Yeah, I guess you’d have a hard time reaching your back.
What’s Going On.
Hello.
You might remember this site. It started in 2006. Looked pretty much the same, and had nothing but quotes from a guy I was dating that I called E. I kept updating this site until early 2007. The reason I stopped was because in June 2007 I left E.
I didn’t change the site at all, mostly because I didn’t know what to say to all these people who kept emailing hoping that the site was on hiatus because I was busy having E’s babies or something and hoping we would be together forever. I just kind of left it here, and the visitors have kept coming. Lots of them. I thought it would spoil the fun to say we had broken up, so I didn’t.
Now it’s more than three years later. In that time I’ve dated what feels like hundreds of men, many of them very funny. I wrote down many of the things they said. I finally stuck with a guy called P, who, lucky for me, is hilarious and extremely quotable. I write down things he says all the time. You, my faithful readers, have kept sending me quotes of your own. I’ve amassed a large collection of things boyfriends say.
Large numbers of people have emailed me over the years asking why I don’t have reader submissions, that they would love to tell me what their boyfriends say, and read what other peoples’ boyfriends say as well. Now, here it is: the new incarnation of Things My Boyfriend Says. It’s about my boyfriend, your boyfriend. It’s about the things that couples say to each other to make one another laugh, to break up the incredible dullness of long-term relationships. More importantly, I think if couples didn’t keep each other laughing, there would be a far higher murder rate and humanity would be doomed.
Follow us on Twitter, Facebook, and a variety of other social media sites that you can find at the top right of this page. Submit your own boyfriend quotes, check back often, tell your friends. Thanks for reading, everybody.
Love,
The Girlfriend
Good luck.
Me: I’m supposed to be the one who’s pretty, soft and smells good.
P: Yeah, good luck with that.
Financial planning.
“You shouldn’t buy me things. Save your money for unicorn rides or whatever it is girls spend money on.”
Adventures.
Him: I want to be more sexually adventurous with you.
Me: Okay, but I draw the line at ball gags in bed.
Him: Don’t worry, the ball gag is for when we’re out in public.
